Where did O&W go?

Hi, I’m still here, quietly brooding— discovering new expressions and recovering identity.

You know what I loved and still love about O&W?

It’s just an extension of myself.

There’s never been an expectation, an ideal, or an opportunity waiting to be “capitalized on." Mostly because Lord knows I have no clue what I’m doing.

Have I made absolute measly dollars a few bucks here and there? When I had to pay for college and awoke this wild monster, yes. Money was the motivation to begin with.

But when I dropped out of college, surrounded by the best support system and doing what I loved, I relished the idea of spoiling my brain child in every possible way.

I threw all of my time, money, emotional energy, intellectual property— ALL OF IT into the mere possibility of something. It was strange and terrifying, yet somehow it made perfect sense to me.

For the first time ever, I experienced “full-bodied yes," where every ounce of life in you says, “This is it, RUN”.

Along the way, I was supported by anxious thoughts of “you have to prove this works,” “make it make sense to people,” and “at least if you fail, you have a portfolio, whatever that is”.

I think what kept me going was the undercurrent of “justify what you have always known to be true”.

I learned to quietly believe:

I see things differently.

I know what it “means” to be an artist, and I have what it takes”.

I am capable of doing justice to the depths, and I must.

The maddening attraction of art is the dichotomy of its absolute triviality and absolute necessity.

Everyone is capable of being an artist, but few take up the mantle due to how much it demands. If you let it, it will consume you.

I believe we are all looking for truth, and I also believe that the core of art is not love, but truth.

Truth demands to be found, wisdom calls to anyone that will listen, and only the tenderhearted, though they may seem flimsy, are “weak” enough to let their gaurd down and surrender everything to it.

Dramatic, I know. A lot of “woo woo” to explain where the hell Older & Wiser has gone.

But we are only in the now due to the beginning. Since then I have sought out to understand, to express what I think is true, to examine it once visible, and ask that very thing if it is in fact authentic.

I have succumbed to becoming the thing being made rather than the one making, and there is nothing much more indulgent than that… deliriously chaotic, sweetly mind altering.

Like most creative people, over time I began to crave solace and the time to actually learn or make something new. With burnout crouching at my door, I mustered the grandest hurrah imaginable with what little energy was left and finally surrendered.

It was time to be quiet, to let the cool, dark evening envelop me, and watch for what could be made in silence. Ironically, the last photoshoot I crafted (with Obscura Studios) was about rebirth; how often we miss those subconscious directions.

In spite of me droning on and on about weariness, I have not halted all creating, I simply stopped producing a majority of public facing projects to allow for the inner artist to speak up and suggest what's next.

Currently, I’m steeping myself in The Artist Way, a truly life changing book, and slowly gaining the determination to seek out more hands on education in fine arts or craftsmanship.

I’ve worked alongside and admired countless artisans with outstanding skills who made me fall in love with the idea of mastering something. I truly believe what I love most, concept design, will only grow stronger through the process of learning more hard skills.

Four years may not be much to some, but to me, it was the perfect start to an education. I am in awe whenever I think back on it, and am ever inspired to keep venturing onward.

I hope you too look back on where you’ve come from, whether it be grandiose or miniscule steps that led you here today. I promise, if you chose to believe it, it was all working together towards good.

Best of luck to us both in this strange fever dream of a world. Listen for the truth, speak it’s language, set it out into reality, and let it, in return, set you free.

Enough with the woo-woo for now; see you when I make something cool again.

Hi, I’m still here, quietly brooding— discovering new expressions and recovering identity.

I think what kept me going was the undercurrent of “justify what you have always known to be true”.

I have succumbed to becoming the thing being made rather than the one making, and there is nothing much more indulgent than that… deliriously chaotic, sweetly mind altering.

Twilight Hour

The Unstaged Life

helen@olderwiser.co